


Stone cold sober

by cenji



Category: AB6IX (Band), HOTSHOT (Band), JBJ (Band), MXM (Band), Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-01 11:19:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16283621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cenji/pseuds/cenji
Summary: Youngmin's the designated driver. He's not enjoying it much.





	Stone cold sober

Youngmin has this one cousin. She's religious. She took a pledge to never drink alcohol and has kept it seriously. She's nice enough to talk to - good sense of humour, actually, so long as you keep away from certain topics. But Youngmin really wonders how she does it. This is so dull. 

"I tell - told him, 'no, that is expediant'," Kenta pauses, a finger raised in the air. He's swaying gently on his chair. Youngmin's poised to catch him should he fall. It's been 20 minutes and he hasn't fallen yet though. (It's been 20 minutes and he still hasn't managed to get to the end of his story about buying socks either). 

"Not expediant," Kenta corrects himself, "The other one."

"Expensive," Yongguk suggests. He's not looking at either of them, too busy waving a cat toy above Tolby's sleeping form. Youngmin envies Tolby. Not the bell and feather thingy being waved at him part, but the option to give up on this party and sleep. 

"Yeah," Kenta concedes uncertainly, "But like, double very expensive. There's a word."

"Exorbitant?" Youngmin offers. Kenta appears pensive, sipping on his beer. 

"Is that like sorbitol?"

"Not really, no." Youngmin tries not to sound like he's ready for death. 

"Then I don't know. But what was I said? Oh, I remember! It's about the man with the face."

Before Kenta can continue, they're interrupted for the nth time. Earlier, it had seemed like the kitchen would be a relatively peaceful place to hang out and not drink. Isn't that what designated drivers did at parties? Hang out in the kitchen? In hindsight, the notion was wrongheaded. The layout of Seongwu's house is such that everyone has to pass through here. Refilling drinks, slipping into the garden for some air or a fag, heading up the backstairs for the sort of purposes that would make Youngmin's cousin scrabble for her rosary beads... This time it's Sanggyun, Taehyun, Sungwoon and Moonkyu - like three hamsters and their one giraffe buddy. 

"What's this about a guy with a face? I have a face," Sanggyun pipes up, standing by Kenta, a hand on his shoulder. Kenta squints up at him. The effort causes his swaying to cease momentarily. 

"You have a very handsome face," he agrees amiably. Sanggyun grins and turns to Taehyun. 

"I heard him," Taehyun sniffs, cutting him off before he could even open his mouth. Sanggyun pouts.

"Youngminnie, we were looking for you for..." Sungwoon starts, but trails off, "For why? Whyfore?" He turns to Moonkyu for help. Their tall friend looks helpless, flapping his arms in confusion. 

"I don't know. I'm only here because you promised me brandy."

"Oh right," Sungwoon nods slowly, "I don't think there's brandy. At least, not here. At least, if there is, I don't know about it." Sungwoon holds a hand to his chest as if to underscore that he is an innocent bystander in this whole debacle. Moonkyu grimaces. 

"Betrayal," he is heard to mutter, before removing his 183cm, Pacific Ocean shoulders, bulk from the cramped kitchen. Taehyun and Sanggyun, who had watched the exchange whilst sharing an atom-sized bag of peanuts Sanggyun filched from Kenta, 'oh' lowly. Sungwoon turns back, blinking and, as if resetting time, greets, 

"Youngminnie! We were looking for you."

"Sewoon's staying with Changkyun," Taehyun explains finally. 

"He's what?" Youngmin has to check. The last time he'd seen them, Sewoon was keeping a minimum of one Kihyun's breadth away from Changkyun and Changkyun was giving Sewoon some dirty side-eye. On the other hand, Gwanghyun did tell Youngmin not to worry, that Changkyun was simply the sort who needed time to warm up to a person. Youngin had boldly assumed 'time' meant more than an hour or so at a rowdy house party. 

"Staying," Taehyun confirms, "With Changkyun."

"Changkyun lives just nextdoor, so you don't have to worry about being his designated driver anymore," Sungwoon adds with a bright smile. Beside him, Kenta cheers and is already sloppily pouring him out a beer when Youngmin corrects them, 

"Nah, there's still Woojinnie to worry about," he chuckles. Honestly, he's not even in the mood to drink anymore. If he could, he'd just head home. Maybe eat ramyun and watch netflix on his own for a while. But if there's anyone Youngmin's willing to be the designated driver for, it's his little cousin. 

"Woojin left with Jaehwan," Sanggyun comments, rooting around on the table for more peanuts - trying to dodge the foreigners' efforts to slap his hand away, Yongguk looking quite lethal with his cat toy poised to strike. Panic floods Youngmin. 

"He what?"

"Left with Jaehwan," Sungwoon confirms this time, Taehyun being too busy mocking Sanggyun's pain when the cat toy whacks him square on the wrist. "But it's fine."

"It's not fine," Youngmin swallows thickly. Those two are both grade A idiots at the best of times. But drunk. On their own. On a Saturday night. Oh dear. If anything terrible happens, his aunt will slaughter him. And it's 99% certain that something terrible is going to happen. "I don't think it's fine."

"They left their phones and Sewoon already robbed most of what was in Jaehwan's wallet," Sungwoon assures him. 

"Yeah, they can't get far. It'll be OK," Taehyun concords. Youngmin's a little surprised to hear him. Sanggyun has retrieved more bags of peanuts despite his cat toy inflicted injuries, so Youngmin had thought he and Taehyun were too engrossed in snacks to talk. He does breathe a sigh of relief though. What mischief can the idiots cause if they're broke and phoneless? Wow, maybe Youngmin really will have that drink. He reaches out for the glass Kenta poured him. The pads of his fingers touch the side, the cool condensation pleasant on his skin. 

"That's not the thing though," Sanggyun pipes up. Youngmin grimaces at the glass. 

"What's the thing?"

"Woojin's friend needs someone to take him home," Sanggyun informs him. He snatches the last peanut before Taehyun can get it and aims it at Sungwoon. The man in question readies himself to catch the nut in his mouth. Sanggyun misses and it bounces off Sungwoon's cheek. Sungwoon, however, doesn't notice, and continues to stand stock still, mouth agape and arms akimbo. 

"Which friend?" Youngmin questions suspiciously. Woojin has a lot of friends. For example, there's Park Jihoon - who is evil - and Bae Jinyoung - who is also evil - and Ahn Hyungseop - who's actually pretty cute and probably the exception that proves the rule. 

"Donghyunnie," Taehyun answers as Sungwoon is obviously engaged in waiting for peanuts and Sanggyun, having understood the situation he'd created, is fainting throwing nuts, like an owner playing fetch with their dog. 

"Who's Donghyunnie?" Youngmin asks 

"Oh, Donghyunnie~!" Kenta coos, swaying happily. 

 

Not for the first time that night, Youngmin can't decide whether it's better or worse to be sober. On the one hand, he could really do with a drink to get him through this. On the other hand, a clear head is good and the chances of him saying something mortifying increase exponentially with every unit of alcohol. On yet another hand, he's going to say something mortifying anyway - the chances are 200% - so he may as well be drunk. However, above all that, precious cargo. 

The precious cargo's name is Kim Donghyun. Daejeon boy. Music student. 10000 watt smile. The kid Youngmin spent his last year of highschool nursing a hideous, sickly sweet, candyfloss and rose petals crush on. _The_ Kim Donghyun is drunk as a skunk and waiting for Youngmin to give him a lift home. Youngmin would like to curse Woojin right now. He can't - because his cousin had no way to know this was _The_ Kim Donghyun. . The only people who know there's any Donghyun stencilled on Youngmin's heart are Sewoon and Jaehwan - and Youngmin's going to have words with them tomorrow. He can't be certain, but he has a suspicious his best friends are double crossing, backstabbing, treachourous, cruel and degenerate snakes. 

"Nico-nico-ni~!" the boy sings and pokes Youngmin's cheek. He bursts into giggles and falls back down on the pavement. Youngmin had only just coaxed him into standing up. He crouches down and, after a couple of tries, manages to hook an arm around Donghyun and get him to sit up. He has a mudstain on his face and Youngmin resists the urge to do anything about it. 

"Donghyunnie, do you want to go home?" 

"Yesss," the boy drawls, his eyes are swimming, "But does home want to go me? That's the problem." 

Youngmin pauses, knees going numb thanks to his awkward position. Did that remark nearly make sense? It felt like it did... With dread, Youngmin sees that Donghyun's trying to rest his forehead on Youngmin's shoulder. Nervous laughter bursts out and Youngmin shoots to his feet, dragging Donghyun with him. Donghyun's thin, but it turns out he's all ropy muscle under that baggy T-shirt and jeans and heavier than you'd expect. Youngmin almost loses his balance. Donghyun does lose his balance. Now there's no escape. He's leaning on Youngmin and Youngmin has to wrap his arms around him or they'll both fall over. Youngmin wants to die. 

"Donghyun-ah, where are you staying?" he grunts. 

"With Syeon," Donghyun murmurs into Youngmin's neck. That'd be so nice if he didn't reek of alcohol. Or if he had any idea who he was using as a leaning post. So in completely unrelated circumstances, this would be heavenly. As it is, Youngmin gulps and croaks out, 

"Who's Syeon?"

"A loser, that's who. He's a good friend though. You know..." He disentangles himself, leaving his hands on Youngmin's shoulders for support. Youngmin lets his arms hang limp at his side. 

"Know what?" he prompts. His tongue feels too big. His hands feel stiff and useless. 

"Ah? I forget. You're so - Yeah. What?" Donghyun walks away. He gets three steps before he falls over again. There's a moment of silence, filled only with the muted din of Seongwu's party. Youngmin wonders if Kenta and Sungwoon also know something about him and _The_ Kim Donghyun. To have so thoroughly abandoned him in his time of need... But no, he concludes, as he kneels down to check on Donghyun, they're just leaving him to the terrible fate that is his. The moment Youngmin touches his bare are, Donghyun bursts into laughter again. He rolls over. His hair is a mess, his clothes are all mudstained too now, and the stars reflect in his eyes. 

 

Youngmin grits his teeth. Having got no further information out of Donghyun about where he lives or who Syeon is, Youngmin's decided to take him back to his place. He didn't see that he had many other choices. He called his roommate and, over the speaker phone, had told Jonghyun not to worry because he was out with Jeju Shoulder Gangster and the American Hyung tonight. Donghyun had cheered loudly at that news. Chuckling, Jonghyun had wished Youngmin a good night and hung up. As he makes his way back through the Seoul traffic, busy even at this late hour, all Youngmin can think about is how 18 year old him would have given anything to be alone with Donghyun. But back then it was a dream. Now it's very real, Donghyun is very drunk, and he very clearly has not a single clue who Youngmin is. 

Actually, that's not strictly true. Youngmin can think about one other thing. Donghyun's started singing. Aside from how pleasant and warm his voice is, the lyrics are kind of strange. It's about some girl with curly hair. Maybe a girlfriend, Youngmin figures, gazing glumly at the car in front while they're stopped at a red light. 

"That song's interesting," he remarks.

"Hm? Am I annoying?" Donghyun asks. Youngmin shakes his head and tells him to go on if he likes. Crud, he'd wanted to fish for information, not to make the pretty (if slurred) singing stop. "Hng, it's an embarrassing whatsit though. I should stop," Donghyun whines, throwing himself back in the seat with an air of finality. 

"What? Why's it embarrassing? Donghyun's voice is nice."

"You called me Donghyun-ah earlier."

Youngmin chokes on his spit. He doesn't need to take his eyes off the road to feel Donghyun watching him. His skin prickles at the thought. 

"Alright then," he blabs, "Donghyun-ah has a nice voice." Youngmin risks a glance. Donghyun's grinning, eyes scrunched up, stupid muddy face soft and pretty in the sliding lights of passing traffic. He's so much prettier and more handsome than Youngmin remembered. It's unfair. He wants to cup Donghyun's face in his hands and tell him as much. Maybe sometime. Maybe in another universe. The car behind them honks and Youngmin startles - the light's gone green. 

"The words are embarrassing," Donghyun explains after a moment, when they're back driving along peacefully. He's twiddling his thumbs in his lap, eyebrows creased in a frown. 

"They're about a girl you like?" Youngmin prods him to go on. 

"No, a senior back in highschool." Youngmin's soul leaves his body. "He dyed his hair blond one summer. He was on the basketball team so I'd see him out practising. And the humidity or whatever made his hair all - roar! Like a lion. Grr - especially when he wore a hairband. He was handsome though. But I never told him. Ah, embarrassing!" Donghyun's hands fly up to cover his face. He twists around, giggling into the seatback again. 

"Why didn't you tell him?" Youngmin all but whispers. 

"Who?" Donghyun asks through his fingers. 

"The senior with the hair."

Donghyun slowly lowers his hands. His lips are pushed out in thought. 

"Dunno. Just didn't. Hey can you stop the car?" he says, just as Youngmin's making a left hand turn. 

"Why?"

"Cos I'm gonna spew."

 

Eventually, they reach Youngmin's flat. They stopped off once, to let Donghyun throw up into the hedges ringing what Youngmin thinks was a tax office, and twice to buy him berry flavoured water to mask the taste of puke. At this stage, enough alcohol has been either absorbed by Donghyun's system or forcibly evacuated from it, that he's gone from giggly drunk to sad drunk. Or contemplative, emo drunk maybe. Or anyway, the point is that he's holding tightly onto Youngmin's hand and won't let get. (Not that Youngmin's tried hard to make him let go). 

They're standing at Youngmin's door. The girls next door sound like they're having drinks and watching dramas again. The older couple across the hall have their lights off, but the TV's still blaring some old war movie. Youngmin is attempting to retrieve his key from his left pocket using his right hand, and is also pondering practical ways he can make Sewoon and Jaehwan suffer. (He's convinced himself that they must be ultimately behind this. He's always thought the gods didn't hate him _so_ much). 

Donghyun, for his part, is staring at his feet and mumbling. Youngmin tries not to look. It makes him think things. Things about how Donghyun's black hair falls in his eyes, and the smoothness of his skin and the softness of his lips. About his long neck and sinewy arms looking like sticks in that T-shirt. But also, and worse, it makes Youngmin remember things. 

There was a drizzly day in winter. Youngmin was taking a short cut to practice. He hauled himself up and over a wall into the far end of the school grounds and dropped down almost exactly beside Donghyun. He was red-eyed and miserable. His shoulders were slumped. Youngmin was too scared to say anything lest 'hey, you're the boy who won't leave my head' slip out. All he did was squeeze Donghyun's shoulder and offer him a smile. Donghyun smiled back, small and uncertain, just a tug at his lips. Realising the boy was standing there without a jacket, Youngmin unwound his scarf and thrust it at him. The instant Donghyun had taken it, Youngmin fled, concerned that having a pretty boy induced heartattack pre-training would do nothing for his game. 

Later that week, the team had a friendly game against another school. Youngmin spied Donghyun in the audience, wearing a brown and black scarf that may well have been Youngmin's. He thought their eyes met for a moment, but he couldn't be sure. In any case, Donghyun's smile sent warm tendrils of heat through his veins on that freezing cold day. 

Through his - uncalled for - reminiscences, Youngmin must have been taking too long even for Donghyun. Chuckling, he reaches into Youngmin's pocket and pulls out his keys, jangling them in front of Youngmin's flummoxed face. 

"Hyung is funny," he asserts and flops into Youngmin's side. 

 

He has succeeded in depositing Donghyun on the couch with a glass of water. It would have been coffee, but Jonghyun's the only one who knows how to make their practically antique machine produce anything but bilge. It might also have been tea, but when he went to the couch to ask Donghyun if he preferred black or the herbal stuff Jonghyun's friend swears by as some kind of universal panacea, Donghyun pulled him down (again) to 'talk' - said with a discomfortingly elongated vowel. Therefore it's water, because that could be quickly left on the coffee table before the kid could obstruct Youngmin running away like the coward he is. 

Now Youngmin's gathered the toothbrush he bought at the convenience store and a big towel if Donghyun wants to shower. He found something for him to sleep in too, but neither he nor Jonghyun have much in the way of spare blankets. And anyway, the couch is small and poky and Donghyun is long and precious, and Youngmin has sort of stuttered to a stop. Because Donghyun is singing again. 

_I dim the lights and think about you, spend sleepless nights to think about you_

Donghyun had joined the theatre club in his first year. He even scored a role. A proper one, with lines and plot relevance and a singing part and everything. First years rarely got that much. It wasn't a huge part or anything, but he was rightfully proud. Youngmin would glimpse him practising. The route he chose to take to basketball training took him past the theatre where they all were. If Youngmin stayed late enough, sometimes he'd hear Donghyun practising on his own in some empty classroom, catch sight of him energetically singing alone to the other songs just for fun. It was almost time for Youngmin to graduate and he thought constantly about telling him. About knocking on the door of the classroom, confidently striding in and telling him straight. _You've never left my head_. 

He didn't. A few days before the first show, Donghyun lost his voice. He was shoved back to being an extra. It felt to Youngmin like the moment had fluttered through his fingers. Nonetheless, he wanted to do something. He didn't think most people knew that that one minor character was supposed to be played by someone else, nor that they'd care. It was bothersome to him. So he gathered his courage. He slipped a card and a little paper rose, purple and glittery, into Donghyun's locker. He did his best not to be spotted. Despite his curiousity, he wouldn't wait around to see the boy's reaction. Youngmin even avoided crossing his path for the whole rest of that week, scared he'd somehow telepathically broadcast that it was him, that he was the weirdo who'd been obsessing about a younger guy for the best part of a year. Still, he remained curious. He always wished he could find out, just ask someone without getting found out himself. 

_Did he smile? Did it make him happy?_

Back in the present, Donghyun's not singing anymore. Youngmin grabs a hoodie, adds it to his bundle of things, and stumbles out into the sitting room. Donghyun's smiling to himself, gaze down, his long black eyelashes a feathery line, his soft skin like caramel in the lamp light. He looks up, eyes dragging up to meet Youngmin's. Still that small smile - Youngmin wishes he knew what it meant. It makes his skin itch, makes him want to run the pads of his thumbs over Donghyun's lips, as if he could puzzle out the secret through touch. 

"Hey," Donghyun says, "Woojinnie said you're Youngmin. Are you Im Youngmin?" 

Youngmin nods. His arms tighten around the bundle, nerves making his every muscle tense. 

"Are you Im Youngmin who went to Shinnam High?"

Youngmin nods again. He scratches his nape, forcing himself (and failing, he's pretty sure) to look calm. He's wondering how to handle this situation and all the horridness contained therein. Donghyun laughs. His hands fly up to cover his face again. "Oh my gosh, embarrassing! I bet you don't remember me," he mumbles into his palms, squirming on the sofa. Unable to handle anymore of the cute, vulnerable guy who evidently had been well aware of Im Youngmin's existence, Youngmin points the toothbrush at hm. 

"I bought you this, There are more blankets in the cupboard outside the bathroom, but I think they've been on the go since the 1980s. Good night!"

He's sweating. When he's safely in his room, he turns both fans on a lies on his covers shivering. All the things he could have done. All the things he's wanted to say to the prettiest boy he's ever seen, and Youngmin handed him a toothbrush. 

 

Youngmin does sleep afterall, after his brain has finally exhausted itself. When he wakes up, he can tell it's late even without looking at the time on his phone. The little light filtering around his blind is bright. But, more than that, it just feels late. And Youngmin feels drained, from the crown of his head to the tips of his toes. As if he were doing heavy farmwork in the height of summer. And his mouth is dry and his eyes are crusty and his skin feels oiled and grimy. The image of Donghyun, the pleasant ring of his bashful laughter is in Youngmin's head. He'd like to convince himself that was all some curiously detailed dream, but he knows it wasn't. 

He checks social media before he so much as contemplates decoupling from his bed. His cousin, the teetotaller, bakes an apple turnover cake yesterday and shared it with her church buddies. She is wise. Moonkyu lost his trousers somewhere between Seongwu's house and his aunt's place in Incheon and he's hoping someone's seen them. He is not wise. Sewoon had a drunken jam session with Changkyun and his roommates - Youngmin's sad he missed it. Taehyun, Sanggyun, Kenta and Yongguk look like they left to get food together at some point - along with Tolby and the cat toy. Seongwu got selfies with every single one of the dozens of people who turned up at his party. Once Youngmin's scrolled through all that - recognising fewer people than he'd like to admit, he finds a post from Sungwoon. Jaehwan didn't come back last night and can't be located. He's most likely fine, but if found, please return him and his demon companion to Ha Sungwoon. Youngmin groans into his pillow. Fine, he'll get up. He will. Stupid sense of responsibility. 

The world outside his bedroom door is still and peaceful. There's no radio, no singing. Donghyun's not in the sitting room or the kitchen. The blanket he'd used is folded neatly, but there's no sign of he old uni hoodie Youngmin gave him. Perhaps he wore it home. (Youngmin shakes himself. That thought - of Donghyun wrapped in Youngmin's sweater - is one of the many that kept him awake last night). He sighs. _The_ Kim Donghyun tumbled back into his life and out just as fast. It figures. He probably hurried out as soon as he was awake. He probably had already forgotten whose house he was in. Youngmin sighs again, just to get it out of his system. 

"Morning," a voice croaks. Youngmin's heart leaps out his throat. He spins around. Donghyun is sitting in the windowseat, resting his head against he wall. He's still wearing Youngmin's big blue uni hoodie and has the tomato shaped cushion squashed in his lap. He's palid. He has deep eye bags, his lips are chapped and his hair's sticking out in all directions. Youngmin, the loser, still thinks he's beautiful. "Sorry. didn't mean to startle you. I hope you don't mind I'm still here." 

"It's OK," Youngmin chokes, life flashing before his eyes. 

"It's just I couldn't face going out yet. I'll be gone soon." 

"It's OK," Youngmin repeats, voice firmer this time. Donghyun looks at him. That smile. Enigmatic, a riddle Youngmin would gladly spend his whole life solving. 

"I guess I caused you trouble. I don't exactly remember."

"You didn't."

"I did a bit though, didn't I?" A cheeky smirk and a blush across his sickly pale face. Youngmin can't help but snort. "So like, Woojin said you're Youngmin-hyung. Are you Im Youngmin? Shinnam High's Im Youngmin?"

The deja vu makes Youngmin's stomach lurch (in a way that's completely unfair considering how direly sober he is). It occurs to him that the gods are giving him a chance to do something better this time. Better than a toothbrush. 

"Yeah, that's me," he attempts to make his voice sound smooth. But he'd dehydrated and Stressed and he ends up basically just mumbling Either way, Donghyun gasps dramatically, a blinding grin spreading across his face. 

"Whoa, that's awesome. I guess you don't remember me. I was a couple of years below you, Kim Donghyun." 

"No, I, er," Youngmin crosses his arms. Scratches his head. Drags a hand over his unshaved jaw. "You were in theatre club or something, right?"

Donghyun gasps so dramatically he falls off the windowseat. 

 

Familial duties hanging over him, Youngmin's first priority has to be finding Woojin, rather than reconnecting with highschool crushes. After making Donghyun coffee and paying for a taxi so he can get home, Youngmin makes his way over to Sungwoon's flat so they can put their heads together on finding their missing roommate/cousin. 

It turns out to be less hassle than Youngmin had anticipated. Jaehwan and Woojin had hitchhiked with no clear destination. After a while, they found themselves in a part of the countryside that Jaehwan was sure he recognised. So they went to investigate. This is the gist of what Sungwoon's grandpa tells them. He rings that afternoon to inform Sungwoon that neither of these two idiots count as marriage material. Next time he'd better at least send someone who isn't a chicken-livered nancy boy around bugs. Anyway, Grandpa drove them into town, since they were too useless to help him on the farm, and gave them money for a bus back to Seoul. Youngmin and Sungwoon thanks Grandpa Ha vociferously and Sungwoon promises to pay him back financially and also by finding a wife who's hardy and not scared of insects. 

Driving away from Sungwoon and Jaehwan's block of flats, Youngmin recalls how he'd been planning to exact some kind of vengeance on Sewoon and Jaehwan. Were all his ideas crap though? He's pretty certain they were - things like that have never been his forte. Besides, he doesn't quite feel like exacting vengeance anymore. Even if his friends did scheme and machinate, he's not angry about it anymore. How can he be when he's meeting the prettiest boy in the world for dinner that evening?


End file.
